The Power, Meaning and Purpose in Retreat
Today concludes my 14 day retreat. The intention of the retreat was to listen. Listen to what? To Creator God, to loved ones near and far, to myself, to books, to studies, and to nature. It was a reflective, yet fun retreat. I would like to share with you what I heard.
The retreat itself ended up being a staycation. The time off from work was planned to give myself a physical, mental and emotional break from the arduous full time work schedule. The first plan was to visit the Grand Canyon (where I have never been) and retreat under the stars. Then reality set in and I saw the temperature would make hiking unbearable for me and the dog. I will keep researching and hope to visit later this year.
![100 sq. foot house in the Grand Canyon with stars above 100 sq. foot house in the Grand Canyon with stars above](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F754eed1c-7c4f-4393-8a44-b9cd1ac36915_1309x860.png)
The next plan was to camp in Lake Tahoe. Besides being pet friendly, my general requirements included being near trees and a body of water. I became overwhelmed with all the options and the dates loomed closer and closer until reservations were scarce. I treasure people who love doing research and are decisive. That wasn’t me this time around! Work was exhausting and I wasn’t able to add anything extra to my calendar or mental capacity.
So, that led me to my last day of work before vacation started and I felt I was finally able to exhale and feel space around my thoughts. I made a decision and booked a campsite in my hometown! And, I am glad I did. My car was packed and I had to drive with the convertible top down on the backroads so that nothing would fall out. Nala the dog was situated in the front passenger seat and the rest was piled high in the back seats and stuffed in the Mini Cooper boot. We were a sight to behold!
The camping trip was worth every effort. We took long walks, cooked on the propane stove, roasted marshmallows on the campfire, read books, finished my study on Zoë (Greek: ζωή) resurrection life, picked blackberries until my fingers were stained purplish-red and listened to the sounds around us. I didn’t have to look at my diary for where I needed to show up next. I just needed to be. I didn’t feel the need to be productive or fill the time. I was open and ready to hear the thanksgiving in my heart and peace in my soul. Because the campsite was local, 2 friends visited and added to the adventures.
Besides camping, the 14 day retreat included a few nights of entertainment. Ellen DeGeneres was in town with her last standup show and it was poignant and hilarious. I related to her because she spoke about her healing journey as a long, slow curve after her reputation was discredited. It takes a lot of courage to speak about what happened and accept and love who you are. I felt a kinship with her because of the firm foundation we each have built since being publicly shamed.
I was also blessed to attend an En Vogue concert with one of my besties! It brought back a lot of memories of when I was 12 and 13, singing along to the album. The friends and songs of this time came flooding back: Janet Jackson’s Escapade, Mariah Carey’s Emotions, and Wilson Phillips' Hold On. En Vogue is a local band from Oakland and brought a high energy, musically excellent show. The fireworks afterwards were also stunning. I was proud of us because we also took public transportation which added to the revelry of the evening.
Other highlights included viewing July 4th fireworks, watching the Pixar film Inside Out 2, attending Wild Church, riding my Vespa, visiting with my son, creating art at home, hiking with friends, flying a kite, plunging in the ocean and a family dinner. Each activity was meaningful and my intention was to be present and listen.
My morning rituals continued as they do when I am working, but there was more flexibility and receptiveness during the retreat. I would ask myself what I wanted to do and I was a little surprised I still wanted to read Scripture, meditate, journal and exercise. Maybe because I have created this habituation and feel safe as a result, or maybe because it is a regular feeding of my soul. It is during these practices that I am able to slow down and hear from my inner spirit and have a conversation with God as Love. These practices are a form of my consent and surrender to the day and it strengthens me.
My food intake was also healthy and conscious. Disordered eating is something that I am working on and during this retreat I had the opportunity to shop for organic produce and cook meals that included the 5 recommended components of protein, fruits and/or veggies, carbohydrates, dairy and oil and/or fat. I felt satiated and dependent on my inner wisdom and body hunger cues. One of my goals is to not snack after dinner, which I was able to do 6 of the 14 days. There is more work to do with this! Overall, my weight is maintained and I feel strong and in good health.
What are some things I didn’t do on this retreat? I didn’t experience a lack of rest. I kept my bedtime routine consistent with going to bed and waking early, and took naps if I needed a little more down time. I also didn’t let myself stay down, talk mean to myself or compare myself to others. This usually puts me in a grumpy mood. If thoughts came that pushed me to try harder or be more ____, then I noticed them, sometimes wrote them in my Notes on my phone and released them. I kept myself insulated inside my retreat of tenderness and ease.
I feel like I was breaking through every limitation and setting the stage for delight in each experience. I don’t know if it was because I was disconnected from the responsibility of work, or if I was fulfilling my desires, but something was happening. I was creating space and resting in the stillness of life. I was dropping the sword of needing to be successful or beautiful. I was fruitful because I am. The ever-flowing fountain of goodness, gentleness, love, joy, faithfulness lives inside me. I can access this power, meaning and purpose at any time, in any circumstance. It is life-giving. I want to stay connected to this heavenly vantage point (HVP).
Yes, I have moments of despair, sadness and resistance, and then I remember to go higher. To think about how time is a valuable gift and to enjoy everyday life. What will life be like in 10 years, 100 years, 1000 years? Let me live today with a heart open to listen, love, play and breathe. This is the lesson that has deepened inside me during this precious retreat.
As I enter back into reality of full calendars and regular interruptions, I aim to manage my energy and time to include this renewed delight and gentleness. I would love to work part time and maybe this is in my future. For the time being, I trust the Divine guides and angels to reclaim my destiny every moment of every day. There is power, meaning and purpose in these moments. Connecting to this Source that lives inside me is where I want to be. It could be easy to get caught up in anything outside of this. However, let us embrace our birthrights of peace and joy. Blessings and love, dear friends.